Couples Counseling

Are Relationship Issues Taking a Toll on Your Relationship?

Do you feel disconnected from your partner? Do you want to be able to discuss things without arguments ensuing? Perhaps you find yourself fighting repeatedly over the same topics, but nothing ever changes, so you feel stuck and frustrated. Do you look at your partner and wish he or she could be a source of support and appreciation for you instead of a source of stress and conflict? Or, perhaps you are generally getting along, but your partner sometimes feels more like a roommate or a business colleague and you want to feel the deep connection your relationship once had. As you face the immediate demands of work or family pressures, do you wonder how you can focus more of your attention back on your relationship and find a healthy balance?

Marriage and relationship problems arise for many reasons. Maybe you are struggling to recover from infidelity, but anger and distrust are making you question if you can ever heal and if your relationship will ever be the same. Maybe you have allowed other people and responsibilities to take priority in your life and you don’t know how to overcome the negativity that has slowly crept into your partnership. Maybe you haven’t been upfront about what is important to you and resentments have built up that you don’t know how to move past. Perhaps naturally occurring life-changes in your family, such as caring for a newborn, sending a child to college, losing a job or caring for an ailing parent have let stress, grief and misunderstanding creep into and negatively affect your relationship.    

No matter what you are facing, do you wish you could move past the frustration and learn to communicate and reconnect with your partner so that your relationship is a source of security, support and comfort in your life?

Everyone Struggles With Challenges in Relationships

Though it may seem counter-intuitive, conflict is a very natural and even necessary part of any relationship. After all, in a healthy partnership, both parties must remain true to themselves and their own unique identity while negotiating compromise and balancing different priorities. Learning to live with inevitable differences can be frustrating, but also rewarding. Studies have shown that couples who habitually avoid conflict risk stagnation in their marriage, which can easily lead to crisis.

The best marriages are those in which couples can skillfully resolve points of conflict; however, we are simply not born with that knowledge and ability. Often, for a variety of reasons, it is something we are not taught how to do in a healthy way. In fact, we may have had the exact opposite of healthy role models for intimate relationships, thus we may never have learned how to negotiate differences and manage conflict while maintaining our own health and boundaries. Making a relationship work takes education, awareness and effort.

Considering that all long-term relationships face some type of obstacle that will require negotiation, learning improved interpersonal skills is paramount. Changing jobs, returning to school, sharing the responsibility of decision-making and child-rearing, negotiating closeness and separateness, and expressing and managing difficult emotions are just some of the situations that require mutual attention, self-awareness and sacrifice. Because life is always changing, even a healthy and mature relationship can benefit from occasional maintenance to keep things working smoothly. Fortunately, with the help of a compassionate and impartial marriage counselor, you can undo years of disconnection, reduce conflict, heal your relationship and start enjoying each other once again.

Couples Counseling Can Make a Significant Improvement in Your Relationship

The strength of couples counseling is that it gives both you and your partner a neutral place to discuss your concerns and explores ways to produce real change. Regardless of the state of your relationship, couples therapy gives you the opportunity to understand the underlying dynamics of conflict, explore motivations for problematic issues and identify, question and modify negative behavioral patterns. As an impartial and compassionate observer and mediator, I can guide you and your partner toward hope, empathy and positive change.

In a warm and natural setting, we begin by gently differentiating perceived causes of the problems and the real root of your current discord. We look at past relationships including family relationships and personal experiences and determine how they may be influencing your current situation. We’ll examine behavioral patterns and identify which are helping your relationship grow while attempting to change those behaviors that are having a negative impact. By joining with your partner, you can learn to manage your emotions better, improve communication skills and learn how to resolve issues before negativity and conflict become overwhelming. You and your partner can learn to become a source of healing and support for one another instead of a source of strife and conflict.

Every couple has their own unique dynamic, so I strive to speak directly to your personal concerns and goals. I use a variety of techniques drawn from many different therapeutic modalities to generate greater empathy and compassion towards your partner, achieve greater intimacy, set healthy boundaries and mediate conflict in ways that leave both partners feeling less distressed and more connected.

Even if you feel that your relationship has run its course, I can still offer you guidance and mediation in the next step of your journey to ensure a peaceful and amicable dissolution. This may be particularly important if there are children involved.

Whatever your situation may be, I work with people in a compassionate and optimistic way. Changing the way we interact with each other is possible—even if you feel you have tried everything. I know it can be hard to believe something good can come from a situation that has been so frustrating, but change is absolutely possible. With my help, you can overcome obstacles and turn your relationship into a source of safety, connection, intimacy and acceptance.

We are considering couples counseling, but we still have a few concerns…

My partner doesn’t want to participate.

Contrary to what one would think, it doesn’t necessarily take two to make a change in a partnership. In fact, it’s often a good thing to start addressing some issues individually. In sessions, you and I may be able to identify problematic areas of your relationship or interactions and figure out how you can enact change on your own. It all depends on your situation. The important thing is to start on the road to healing sooner rather than later.

Can couples therapy really change anything after we have been together so long?

Some of the techniques I am trained in, such as cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness techniques and emotionally focused therapy, have as high as a 75 percent rate of effectiveness. However, I believe the true power of counseling for couples is its ability to help you understand the true needs and motivations for the conflicts you have in a relationship and learn to be a source of support for each other, not just another source of conflict. By identifying the source of your problem, rather than treating the symptoms, we are able to fundamentally change the way you and your partner interact. This, in turn, has the potential to transform the connection and intimacy you experience in the relationship.

You and your partner can learn to negotiate differences, communicate authentically and generate greater compassion for one another. Whatever the status of your relationship may be, you are here on this page looking for hope and believing that change is possible. I believe that, too, and I want that for you.

Why should I invest the time and money in relationship counseling?

Certainly, therapy involves an investment of time and money. I am happy to provide a bill that you can submit to your insurance carrier. However, therapy, as well as any type of personal growth, ultimately requires that you prioritize the health of yourself and your relationship. Your job, family, happiness and overall well-being could benefit greatly from a small investment in your marriage. You would take yourself to the doctor if you felt something was wrong with your physical health, why wouldn’t you give the health of your marriage the same priority?

There Is Still Time and Hope to Repair Your Relationship

Choosing the right therapist is a very personal decision. Please call me at 408-868-9390, text me at 408-868-9390, or fill out the form on this page. I would be happy to speak with you to answer any questions or concerns about my practice or approach to couples counseling and to ascertain whether we would be a good fit to work together.